Leif is a Bully!
by thevoidbetweenus
Summary: The title says it all.  Leif is a bully!  Haven't you noticed?  This is just pointing it out to a greater extent.  Problem?  Don't read.  THIS IS JUST A JOKE, OKAY?  GET OVER IT.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Leif is a bully. Have you seen him in the anime? WHAT A BULLY. And just to let you know, Dain's alive...and they don't know he's evil yet.**

**~Somewhere in Del...or something...~**

"Man, that was some pretty good honey," Leif mused.

"Really? I didn't think so," Jasmine sighed. Leif turned instantly red and turned to face her, eyes blazing.

"WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" he yelled and punched the thing closest to him. Which was actually a tree. "OW! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT JASMINE!" he cried.

_'Why am I travelling with them again?' _Barda thought exasperatedly to himself.

~**In the little group's next camp*Jasmine is away*~**

Of course, another pair of Ols had spotted Dain, Leif, and Barda. Of course. It was inevitable after all...

Well, because Jasmine wasn't with the group, the Ols didn't notice them.

"Man, because Jasmine's not here, everything _is _a bit easier, I'll have to admit," Barda pointed out. Leif became rigid. Dain quickly moved away from him, knowing from experience what happens when you talk about Jasmine like that.

"Damnit Barda, don't ever say that! It is NEVER a good thing that Jasmine is gone!" he screamed at the older man, his face looking like a tomato. He suddenly felt the urge to punch something, so he punched Barda.

"Hey!" the man yelled. Dain sighed.

_'...Why didn't I just go back to the Resistance while I could? Aww daygers!' _he cried internally.

A bit later...

"Man, I sure am glad we found a place to sleep," Dain smiled. Leif glared at him.

"Are you saying you're glad, even though Jasmine's not here?" he asked angrily. Dain shrank away.

"W-well, t-that's not what I meant-" he began, but Leif just glared with more intensity. Then, out of nowhere, he shoved Dain to the ground.

"YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU!" he yelled. Dain looked like he was going to cry.

"I'm sorry! I really didn't mean it like that! I was glad we found somewhere to sleep, that's all! Aww daygers!" he yelled, very distressed.

"Leif! Stop it!" Barda demanded. Leif snapped back into reality.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I mean...*blah blah blah lies blah blah blah...isn't really sorry*!" Leif apologized and stepped away from a terrified Dain.

Needless to say, Dain had nightmares that night, and many nights after that.

**~Thaegan's Lair~**

"Muhahaha, I am evil!" Thaegan yelled. "The most evil in the land!"

"No, the most evil is...THE SHADOW LORD!" Leif yelled angrily. Suddenly, in a moment of strange wisdom, Jasmine cut in.

"No, the Ol disguising itseld as Dain is the real most evil in the land! I mean, technically, the Shadow Lord is in the Shadow Lands, not Deltora...so..." she pointed out, for some reason knowing the plot before it happened.

"NO! SHUT UP!" Leif screeched, then punched Thaegan. Who got turned into a tree again.

"That was such an epic fail," Barda mused.

"SHUT UP!" Leif shouted, then just mumbled something...that I won't tell you.

**~In a place...~**

"So...you sure do know a lot of things, don't you Dain?" Leif asked. Dain shrugged.

"I guess..." he sighed. Leif's face became an apple.

"YOU GUESS? ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY?" he screamed at the top of his lungs...(alerting all Ols withing ten miles...)

"W-what?" Dain cried. Leif snarled and shoved Dain against the nearest tree.

"YOU IDIOT! I KNOW ALL!" Leif claimed. Dain nodded shakily.

"O-okay..."

"DAMN RIGHT!" Leif yelled. Finally satisfied, he let go of Dain's shirt and lay down in his own spot.

"...What just happened?" Dain asked himself, slowly sinking to the ground.

**~...Another place~**

"So Jasmine, did you know I admire you?" Dain asked politely. Jasmine blushed.

"Aw that's so sweet!" she gushed.

_'Dangit! Look how silky Dain's hair is! And why doesn't he admire me!' _Leif thought angrily to himself. He sauntered over to them, and shoved Jasmine out of the way.

"So Dain, do you admire me?" the blonde asked. Dain stared for a bit, mulling it over in his head how he would react.

"Uh..." he thought aloud. Leif once again turned tomato red.

"SO YOU DON'T! HOW DARE YOU!" he gasped and punched the purple-haired boy in the face. Dain consequently got a pain-induced nosebleed.

"Leif! You're such a jerk!" Jasmine yelled and shoved Leif out of the way.

"...SHUT UP!" Leif shouted angrily before stomping away.

"Aww daygers..." Dain said.

**~...In a forest~**

"Hey Leif!" Barda called out. Leif turned to face him with fiery eyes.

"Your shouting will alert everything in the area!" he yelled.

"Yes but...Leif, you're the one who's yelling..." Dain pointed out timidly. Leif spun to face him.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled, then punched Barda again. "YOU TOO! YOU'RE BOTH IDIOTS!" he screeched.

"...What?" Barda asked. Leif sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Idiot...I already explained, and I won't explain again!" he laughed.

"Aww...daygers," Dain sighed.

**End.**

**Ending note: ...I don't know, okay? I was mad at Leif...I mean, he is a bully! Like, what the heck? Maybe a second chapter? I don't know yet. Really depends on you guys. I mean, if you absolutely love this, I'll write another chapter.**

**"AWW DAYGERS!" ...I love saying that! daygers, daygers, daygers...**

**ha ha, right, well I should get going now...bye bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Kay. So...since people have asked me to, I'm writing another chapter. Now, I'm aware this story has received some negative reception. If you're going to leave a negative review, don't leave an anonymous one. Obviously I will delete it. This story is supposed to be silly and over-the-top. That's the point. Thank you to all the people who can take a joke, and I hope you enjoy the next installment of: Lief is a Bully!**

Now, when we left off, Lief was laughing, Dain was saying, "Aw daygers," and Barda was very confused. Now, Jasmine has reconnected with the group and is animatedly chatting with Lief.

"So, you guys, how did you manage without me?" Jasmine questioned. Lief shrugged.

"We were fine. I mean, I only lost my temper like...once," he boasted. Dain and Barda gave him a disbelieving look. They both knew what really happened, but they weren't going to say anything lest Lief attack them again.

"Barda," Dain whispered, "We need to do something about Lief."

"Such as..?" Barda whispered in return.

"We need to get rid of him somehow. We could sell him to the Shadow Lord and complete the quest ourselves..." the sly Ol suggested, hinting at his true nature. Barda pondered the idea.

"Well...I don't know..." he sighed, unsure of what to do. Lief was his friend. Although...lately the young blonde had been a handful so...

"You know you want to~" Dain half hissed, smirking. Barda shrugged. _"Eh, what the hell. I might as well just go with the flow.." _he reasoned.

"Sure, why not," he agreed. Dain cheered inwardly but merely nodded on the outside.

"I have a perfect idea.."

*A few hours later...*

"Hey Lief," Dain started quietly. Lief turned to him, currently eating roast mutton.

"Wfftth? Wffth do yuh wfnnt, idiot?" he asked, his mouth full of the not-so-yummy meat. Dain rolled his eyes before continuing.

"I was thinking that maybe we should go get some water or something," the Ol suggested. His idea wasn't all that cunning, but required the blonde to cooperate just a little bit. Silently, Barda made sure he had a small piece of cloth to be used as a gag and a coil of rope.

Lief swallowed and cleared his throat. He looked to Jasmine for approval, which she gave with a slight nod of her head. The blonde puffed his chest out to appear more manly. "Why of course! I will accompany you two absolute wimps and assist you with fetching the water!" he declared. Dain sighed.

"Okay. Thank you, Lief," he faked a pleasant smile. Lief nodded in return and grabbed the canteens, walking with them to the river they had found. Quietly, Barda slipped out of sight, the darkness veiling his presence. Dain looked at Lief. "Hey, I just want to say...I'm almost sorry about this. But not really, considering the nightmare you have put me through, you idiotic human," the Ol said cheerfully. Lief turned around in confusion.

"WHAT?" he screeched, tackling Dain and angrily slapping him. The Ol merely laughed wickedly, no longer caring how the blonde abused his fake body. Barda came from behind the trees with a triumphant expression then quickly tied _Dain _up. "HA HA!" Lief cheered.

"What's going on?" Dain hissed, his eyes narrowing. Barda shrugged.

"Hey. I just do what I'm told. Lief told me to do this," he replied. The Ol sighed in frustration then untied himself with ease. "Well that was just pointless."

Lief scowled. "No it wasn't! It was totally amusing, idiot." To add injury to insult, the blonde punched Dain, giving him a black eye. "If Jasmine asks, you fell on a rock."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Dain muttered. He gingerly touched his sore eye and winced, but decided to let it slide this one time. After all...if all went according to plan, Lief would die anyway. Eventually.

They returned to Jasmine with full canteens and relatively bad tempers. "Welcome back guys!" Jasmine greeted them cheerfully. Barda nodded, Dain mumbled a hello, and Lief glared at her. The girl shrunk back a bit when greeted by them like this. She opened her mouth to say something else but quickly shut it after glancing at Lief once more.

"Yeah that's right, don't talk you little idiot," Lief growled quietly, his temper still reeling. Jasmine's eyes narrowed.

"What did you just call me?" she asked quietly.

"A little idiot," an oblivious Lief repeated. Jasmine walked over to him and pressed the pressure point on his neck, making the blonde pass out. She smirked in triumph and sat back down in her previous spot.

"Good night boys!" she said to Bard and Dain cheerfully. They both gulped.

"Good night, Jasmine!" the sung in unison. After Jasmine fell asleep, they lapsed into conversation again.

"Perhaps it's Jasmine we should avoid getting angry.." Barda murmured thoughtfully.

"Perhaps. After all, women are pretty scary..." Dain agreed.


End file.
